End of January

We finally got to meet baby Rowen when he & Jess came to visit!  Kinley was more interested in trying to buckle his car seat so no baby jealousy yet...

She decided to show a little interest when they were about to leave.  I think she even gave him a little kiss!

"So you're telling me that I'm going to have one of these at my house in a few months??"

"I might like that!"

Last Thursday Scott helped Matt move some furniture to their newly finished basement so Clayton & Kinley got some play time.  She wasn't too sure about him at first...

They became buddies pretty quick though.

They had lots of fun jumping!  And our little lovey even gave K a kiss!

Photo shoot time!  Their faces are too funny!

Oh the usual...Kinley laying in our bed at some point during the night.

 

Kinley & I stopped by Sue's house on Saturday morning to do Laney's hair for her gymnastics meet!

Matt & Julie hosted the Super Bowl party on Sunday and Kinley warmed up fast considering we were just over there on Thursday.  She surprised me by knowing how to hold and swing a baseball bat.  Sue & I have no idea where she learned it but she did pretty well!

I may need to invest in some sports equipment this Spring for our jockette!

The girls enjoyed socializing and watching commercials/the half time show while the guys talked sports.  We all agreed that there were only a few good commercials this year...whomp whomp.

And these two provided lots of entertainment!  Even though they are only one year apart, Clayton is more than a head taller than Kinley & for some reason this picture amplifies the difference - he looks huge!  haha.  It may look like they were angels but we heard our fair share of "no, no, no's" from Kinley when sharing was an issue.  Looks like we'll be working on playing nice before the new baby comes...



Change.

I sat down and wrote this right after I found out we were expecting, not really knowing if I would click 'publish' or not, but I wanted to record exactly how I was feeling at the time.  I've decided to share it because sometimes it's nice to hear "that's normal," or maybe that I really am crazy?! ha!  :) 

I'm not a big fan of change, unless of course it's by my doing.  Change always make me anxious, not knowing what's going to happen or if things will fall into place.

I'm also a major planner.  I might not be the most organized person in the world but I always have a plan in my head before I do something.  Whether it be planning out my whole Saturday to the minute or planning the details of a birthday party, I must have a plan!

Scott always tells me to just go with the flow and things will work themselves out.  Ugh, I hate hearing that because I always need to know what's going on next!

Then sometimes life comes along and throws in a little curve ball, whether you're prepared or not.  This is kind of how I felt after I took the pregnancy test - this was not exactly my plan.  Granted, we did want more kids and would have probably started trying again within the next 6 months, I still hadn't planned it so I was completely caught off guard.

Towards the end of our Puerto Rico trip, I think we both kind of guessed what was going on but I know that I was personally still in denial.  We joked about baby #2 a few times but didn't really say much else.

We got home late Thursday night so I decided to buy a test the next day so I actually knew for sure. 

Kinley & I ran into CVS on Friday morning and as soon as I stepped into the store I felt like a 16 year old that wasn't old enough to be pregnant or to be buying pregnancy tests.  

I quickly grabbed a test and threw a magazine over it in my basket.  Then when there was absolutely no one around the front counter, I ran up and paid, hardly looking the cashier in the eyes.  Seriously, I need to get over this issue!  It makes me laugh now.

I took the test right when I got home and I'm not sure what I was expecting but when the super dark lines immediately came up, I was stunned.  No question anymore, I was pregnant again.

Talk about a whirlwind of emotions.  How could I not be over the moon happy?  Babies are miracles, blessings, gifts from God!  I'm not sure what I felt but I think it was pure shock.

I sent Scott a text and asked him if he could bring me lunch because Kinley was napping and I didn't want to wake her up to leave.  That excuse definitely wasn't fooling him, he knew.

He came home with lunch and as soon as we sat down to eat I said, "well, you're going to be a dad again," and immediately started sobbing. 

 

I felt like we were giving up our one on one time with Kinley by having another baby so soon so I felt like a bad mom.

 

I wondered what other people would say and didn't know how I would tell some.

 

I felt really sad that I might not be able to love another baby the way I love Kinley.

 

I wondered how we were going to afford another baby.

 

I thought that I was finally really comfortable with Kinley and her schedule but how was I going to add another baby to the mix?

I didn't know how I was ever going to be a good mom to 2 babies, in diapers, 19 months apart!  All I ever hear is that going from 1 to 2 is a major adjustment.  What if going from 0 to 1 was an adjustment for me? 

After I vented all of my feelings, Scott just hugged me and said, "you know this is a good thing right?"  That just made me cry harder because deep in my heart I knew it was a blessing and that everything would work out fine but on the surface I felt really guilty for not jumping for joy like I did when I found out about Baby #1.

I knew it would just take a little time to process these emotions and have it sink in that I was going to be a mommy again.  Later that day I knew that at this time next year, the new baby would be a perfect fit in our family and we'll wonder what life was like without him/her.

Now I've moved on to researching double strollers and trying to decide if we'll find out the sex, the fun stuff!  We are both really excited about our new addition but still pretty nervous as well - it still seems pretty unreal.

So back to change...I guess it's not such a bad thing after all.  :)

Worries

I think I'm just a worrier by nature but my anxiety and worry has been on overdrive since Kinley joined the world!  I know most parents are like this but sometimes it's excessive and usually about things that are out of my control so it's pointless.  I try to remeber:

I worry most about our sleep issues and feel anxious almost every night before bed because I know I will most likely be up all the time.  BUT we are making headway so I'll post on that soon - I just don't want to jinx it.

I follow a blog called Kelly's Korner and her post today (What lies ahead) was very comforting so I'd thought I would share it with anyone else that is struggling with "am I doing anything right" syndrome like me.

She's portable

We had a few fun week nights last week that didn't consist of cooking dinner, doing the dishes, and doing laundry.  I was lazy and did NOT want to go to the grocery store and we had gift cards so last week we ate out 3 times...and I'm pretty sure I picked up pizza once, oops! haha!

I have always been told that "babies are portable" from my sister-in-laws and other mommy friends.  I believed them but I was still nervous everytime we took Kinley out to eat because there is always a chance of the inevitable breakdown.

She has actually surprised us and done really well...usually!

We met Nick, Ashely & Hadley at the Pasta House for dinner on Tuesday night since we had $130 worth of gift cards to spend before they closed that week.  We also wanted to go out one more time before baby Presley's arrival!

Kinley did SO good entertaining herself by playing with Sophie & on my phone.  It was the longest dinner ever because half the staff had quit so we gave Kinley her bottle and laid her in her carseat because she kept rubbing her eyes.  The little angel fell asleep without putting up any sort of fight - like magic!  (This definitely boosted my mommy confidence).

Thursday night we went to Lake Pointe with Jess since we hadn't seen her since Kinley came home from the hospital!  We wanted to get to dinner early since our little princess turns into a pumpkin around 8pm every night.  I guess we pushed our luck that night as she was kind of fussy throughout dinner and only wanted me to hold her.  (She's quickly becoming a mommy's girl, but I can dedicate another whole post to that subject!)

Jess & Scott finished their meals & I handed K off to Scott so I could eat.  Kinley was NOT okay with this, lol.  She let the whole restaurant know how unhappy she was - aaahhh gave me anxiety!  We tried to put her in the carseat again hoping she would go to sleep but she wasn't having that either.  Oh lord, I was slightly embarrassed!  We made a quick exit and I'm sure the other diners really appreciated it.  :)
No happy dinner picture from this night obviously

We decided to go to La Fiesta on Friday night and, once again, arrived at 5:50 for the early bird special (haha).  Thankfully, Kinley did really well that night except when she was trying to dive into my enchiladas or margarita - she knows good grub!

I'm glad that we are trying to get out more with Kinley and I'm not so nervous about it anymore.  I think I've only looked like a hot mess a handful of times when I was by myself with her and I'm sure it will happen a lot more since that just comes with the territory!  All we can do is laugh & enjoy the ride.